tealights

so i feel for some reason that i can write the sappiest things on this blog, because none of the people i see day to day are on buzznet...and i have to say, i feel like this is such a receptive sweet community, and one that has been so wonderful to be a part of in anyway.




i am so fucking happy to be back in portland. i was so apprehensive...things have fallen together into such a comfortable place; i dont feel sad or stressed or frantic: the stresses and pressures of day feels manageable, and i can make it feel distant when i need to.


on my birthday i had a really small get together with friends. my friend brought this boy who i had never met before, but because we had so many mutual friends we had both heard about each other. the point is, this was almost a month ago and i really feel like something really really good is happening there. too good...not "too good" in the sense to be true, but too good in the sense that it has to be some form of karmic retribution...because there is no way myself or anyone else could have orchestrated the whole thing so well. its just so sweet.


im also in this place where i have my few good friends and constant companions, but i have enough room to be free, and to in a way...grow up more. i was pushed into being an adult at a young age, and im starting to joy in the responsibilities i have, as daunting as they may be. i also have friends far away, but accessible...its worked out so well.

my sense of family has in the past few years become less of a traditional sense. my sense of family has developed more into this sense that my family are these wonderful people that i am so lucky to have found.


i have had a really hard time finding a place in college that i liked; part of this was because i was forced to going to a school i never wanted to when i was young; another part is i think i just havent found the right place. i feel that for right now, my room in this little house in suburban-ish portland feels really right. on sunday, our friends were playing guitar and we were reading and drawing and we made this big lunch and it just seemed so right.



ah. well. i think these rainy gray days are a breeding ground for sentimentality.