Tealights' Journals

dearest lost buzznet

hi. i miss you, and i know i probably havent shown it by not logging in or posting. its just that...you've changed. you're not the same sweet photo community i joined...oh my, probably two years ago. im sorry, i dont feel like sifting through endless friend requests from people i dont think are real, bulletins from bands i dont know or care to, and all this pop culture bullshit, that i feel a little bit like my insides are eating my brain when i look at it. it hurts my heart. i loved you, buzznet, dare i say buzzlove? it was great to have comment conversations, and see what these great buzznetters were up to. we've had to move onto other websites, not as conducive to a photo-sharing/photojournalism style, which was what you had to offer. i mean, i hope we can work it out...but i don't think you are willing to change, and i am not sure i'm willing to put in all the extra effort. i hope we can work it out, as some small consolation i will throw out the classic, irritating, devastating "i still want to be friends" and maybe i'll mean it...for a while. the good thing is the buzznetters...buzzfriends...i miss you guys.

good attitudes

bah! its not letting me upload photos! every time i try to upload photos of christmas creations i.e. presents i have made for people or any other photo for that matter, it says nothing was posted. and i cry. buzzfuck.

so sentimental

so i feel for some reason that i can write the sappiest things on this blog, because none of the people i see day to day are on buzznet...and i have to say, i feel like this is such a receptive sweet community, and one that has been so wonderful to be a part of in anyway. i am so fucking happy to be back in portland. i was so apprehensive...things have fallen together into such a comfortable place; i dont feel sad or stressed or frantic: the stresses and pressures of day feels manageable, and i can make it feel distant when i need to. on my birthday i had a really small get together with friends. my friend brought this boy who i had never met before, but because we had so many mutual friends we had both heard about each other. the point is, this was almost a month ago and i really feel like something really really good is happening there. too good...not "too good" in the sense to be true, but too good in the sense that it has to be some form of karmic retribution...because there is no way myself or anyone else could have orchestrated the whole thing so well. its just so sweet. im also in this place where i have my few good friends and constant companions, but i have enough room to be free, and to in a way...grow up more. i was pushed into being an adult at a young age, and im starting to joy in the responsibilities i have, as daunting as they may be. i also have friends far away, but accessible...its worked out so well. my sense of family has in the past few years become less of a traditional sense. my sense of family has developed more into this sense that my family are these wonderful people that i am so lucky to have found. i have had a really hard time finding a place in college that i liked; part of this was because i was forced to going to a school i never wanted to when i was young; another part is i think i just havent found the right place. i feel that for right now, my room in this little house in suburban-ish portland feels really right. on sunday, our friends were playing guitar and we were reading and drawing and we made this big lunch and it just seemed so right. ah. well. i think these rainy gray days are a breeding ground for sentimentality.

meow

i am back in portland and it is wonderful. after a couple days of semi-unpacking, my friend and went to powells, were interviewed about something by the willamette weekly, and saw sicko for free and are THOROUGHLY DISGUSTED BY THE HEALTCARE SYSTEM. seriously. its funny because in june a sliding glass door came unhinged, hit me on the head, and knocked me out for a few minutes and probably gave me a concussion. i refused to go to the hospital because 1. i didnt want a huge bill 2. i knew they would want to scan my head and that would be another huge bill and 3. i didnt want whatever happened to be on my med. record. ANYWAYS portland, you are wonderful. and im really glad to be here.

DECIDEDLY

i just like that word. one week from tomorrow until portland. i have wonderful dreams of going on runs and planting a garden. who's with me?! i have also decided i need a job. five top dream jobs that i will attempt (and fail) to find this summer: 1. paid concert go-er 2. paid mediterannean food taster/consumer 3. paid person to play with dachsunds 4. paid saturday market appreciator 5. paid eater of organic produce

the sass

i do not like looking for jobs. in fact, im pretty crap at it.

i'm hoping it will all work out back in PDX

i think the song 85 by rilo kiley is pretty accurate right now.

oh portlandia

thus and therefore

i have decided
that september 1, if not earlier, i will be moving to portland.

i've wanted to but i just havent had the right time or situation yet. however i have a friend who i will live with and im not going to let my fear of how big PSU is hold me back.

therefore i will need a job...so...if anyone knows anyone who wants a babysitter, a seller of olive oil, a maker of bed, or a student that will work hard and learn quickly, probably you should let me know. ELSE I WILL HAVE TO WORK FOR WAL-MART

kidding!

but seriously.

KIDDING

anyways

moving to portland will mean: 1. driving less; better public transportation 2. easy access to the portland mercury! 3. everyday music 4. concerts. 5. hanging out with buzznet portland people? 6. everything wonderful about portland 6. having a stable living situation 7. being oh so happy.

bonjour

je suis tre fatigue. i have been absent from the buzz for reasons...and i miss it. now i will tell you why 1. i got a concussion a few weeks ago and have had headaches, eye aches, and short term memory loss. things are feeling better now. 2. school is kicking my ass. french finals, photography portfolios...etc etc etc. changing my major also...to photo-journalism 3. i have no new pictures! well thats not true...i just have been working primarily in film and have no scanner, therefore no way of sharing my prints! sucks for sharing, but i have a beefy portfolio after this term...and lots of darkroom practice. anyways, finals over this week...then more work and work and then a little trip to seattle via portland to see feist in concert. BYE ALL MUCH LOVE

HEY

so for my final project in photography (due remarkably soon) i am going to buy posterboard and a big marker and have people make a sign of anything they want to say to the world at that moment. i will then have them hold the sign and i will photograph them with their sign, then take a picture of their face, then take a picture of their feet (wearing whatever shoes, etc they are wearing) i'm going to scratch the emulsion of the film on the faces so you can see the shape of their hair, etc but not the actual face. what would your sign say??

yellowstonie

i got a job at yellowstone this summer! yay! its basically going to be slave labor. but yellowstone! and i'll be living in a dorm type thing. my friend applied with me so she'll be there part of the time. the dates are july 10 - sept 17...which is coincidentally my 20th birthday. i also would like to say...SCHOOL IS FOR THE BIRDS. well, end of the term is stressful. we'll leave it at that.